30 Common parenting mistakes and how to avoid them
Being a parent is one of the most difficult job and the most rewarding one too.
I have never anticipated just how hard it would be to raise my kids.
Over the last 11 years, I have learned a lot about myself and being a mum had changed me massively. I have made probably every one of the most common parenting mistakes in my life as a mum. There were many difficult situations which have tested my patience and emotional stability. It takes a strong person to raise a strong child and many times I think I was not as strong as I could.
The thing is- no one is perfect and no one is expecting you to be perfect.
The important thing is to realise when you are making mistakes, analyse them and try to improve next time. Learn from it and avoid them in the future.
Kids are not born with a manual and no two children are the same so there are no set rules of how to raise them that will work for every child.
You just have to work this out for yourself as you go along your parental journey.
We love our children and want the best for them above all.
If you keep reminding yourself this simple mantra each time you think you are “losing it”, you might notice your change your behaviour and the way you react to the situation.
But the most important thing is to first realise what are those common parenting mistakes that we all do and then work on how to avoid them.
Here are the 30 most common parenting mistakes and how to avoid them
1. Not being consistent
Consistency is a secret to a successful life in any aspect of it. Being consistent will make your money, keep you fit and healthy, allow you to enjoy a good relationship with your friends and significant other and your kids.
How? Here is a short scenario to explain each area discussed above:
-If you work consistently impressing your boss over and over again with how good you are- you will get your promotion
-If you eat well balance diet and da a regular exercise – you will stay fit and healthy
-If you always stay caring, helpful and positive towards your friends- they, in turn, be same towards you
-If you care and love your partner and support them, they will be same as you
-If you care and love your children and always follow the same rules and principles, they will turn out to be good kids and pay this back to you when you’re old
So adversely if you were to say the rules are- “we eat the food with the cutleries” and tomorrow you say- “let’s just use our hands” this inconsistency will confuse them.
Children need consistency and remembering this will help you understand what triggers the unwanted behaviour. If they are naughty it might not be just their bad mood. It might be that you have unconsciously created some confusion by being inconsistent.
The way to avoid it is by staying consistent and following through with what the rules and expectations are without changing them along the way.
I will now refer you to my fellow blogger who has a great article on a topic of Consistency.
2. Not setting rules, boundaries or limits
This links with the first point in a way that you need to be consistent if you want this to work.
Every household has some rules or boundaries and children need to be aware of them. If you do not have boundaries and let them do whatever they want, watch your house getting destroyed! They will get on top of your head! Literally!
But in the seriousness children need rules to follow as this provides a structure to their lives. This is how they learn from you what is right and what is wrong. And they learn by example too. So if you set the rules, make sure you follow them too! They will pick on it as soon as you break them and pull you on it.
3. Shouting
I am so guilty of this mistake. This must be probably the most common parental mistake.
I do yell much way more than I should. I used to be worse, to be honest and I’ve learned to calm down.
Quite often yelling comes when we get frustrated as the rules are not being followed. We ask children to correct their behaviour and if they don’t what do we do? Yell! And guess what- Most of the time it doesn’t work either! Why? Because they get used to it! It’s not an effective way of enforcing behaviour.
There are two things you can do about shouting.
The first one is to look at the situation form the child’s perspective.
Why is your child not behaving as expected?
What can I do to enforce good behaviour?
What does he/she want?
Sometimes it might be our fault that the child is not following the rules (as covered in point 1 and 2 above.
The second one is to work on yourself- You might be stressed out and take it out on your children or a partner. Practice Self-care as by looking after your mind and body, you will keep your emotions at bay. You will be able to relax and take stressful situations with a calmer approach.
4. Not listening to them
Again- I am guilty of sometimes not having patience/ time/ attention/ or just can’t be bothered to listen to the whole story of what was going on in the school. I have a busy life and 3 kids. Each of them is a chatterbox! And each has plenty to talk about. How can I listen to everything they want to tell me?
After all- kids want to have Voice and be listened to! But if we constantly push them away and never have time to listen to them this can have potentially very negative effect of their confidence, self-esteem and ability to express themselves. Also when they get older they might not want to talk to you anymore as you never had the time for them whenever they wanted to talk to you.
Imagine they go through a difficult time in their teenage life (or any point in their life).
Who would you like them to talk to? They friends or you? I would like my children to be able to come to me or my husband with anything they want to discuss.
There is a solution to this which I try to stick to as much as I can.
Setting the time for the conversation:
Allow one time of a day where you fully focus on your child. Let it be 15 minutes or half an hour. However long that is both you and your child must have this time and are aware of when it is. And that time must be for just the two of you.
I like to talk to my daughter on the way to school in the car. This is 15 minutes only, but she can tell me about her worries or what’s she excited about.
With my middle son, I spend my 15-30 minutes during a bedtime story. The youngest one falls asleep while I read and after I finish, I then talk to my middle son about anything that he wants to tell me.
The youngest one still learns to speak so he just comes and “talks” to me whenever.
That is not to say that I don’t talk to my kids otherwise.
We talk over the dinner table or during bath time or while I prepare meals. They like helping in the kitchen so this is the centre of the conversations in our house. But if I don’t have time to talk I just explain shortly that I am busy and we will talk to them later on.
What’s not to do is to send them off yelling and shouting at them for trying to speak to you.
5. Not reading books to young children
When I was young my parents never read any books to me. They don’t even read books now. I grew up not enjoying books until the age of 14/15 when my grandma (who loved reading romances) had introduced me to Danielle Steel. And I fell in love with books and read ever since.
I always read books to my kids from the time they were very little. My daughter who is now 11 had read probably more books than I did in my whole life. She had been growing up with a passion for books as it was a norm for her from a very young age.
I believe strongly that reading books to kids not only builds their imagination but also creates a special bond between them and parents.
My husband sometimes takes a turn and tells them a good night story which they too love hearing.
If you have never read a book to your child- why not start now, it’s never too late.
6. Not spending enough quality time with your kids
When the children are very little it’s not possible to just let them get on with their day without interacting much as then need care 24/7.
But as they grow older and more independent, we start drifting apart from them. Then we get busy with work, house chores and our own needs that we tend to reduce the time we spend together to a very minimum. Sometimes much less to what we should.
But how much time is enough?
Well, this will depend on many things such as the child’s age or the lifestyle you lead. One thing to keep in mind is that no matter how old they get, they always need some quality time with you because you are their role model and the only person (plus their other parent) they should trust. The more time you spend with each other, the better bond you’ll build.
How to spend more time with the kids if your life is very hectic and the schedule very full?
Block in the time together.
Just as you would allow the time for a date with your partner, block in the slot for a quality time as a family. It could be just you and your child or the whole family. Best time to bond as a family is during the vacations or school holidays when kids spend more time at home.
The memories you build together are irreplaceable and will be there to cherish forever.
7. Allowing too much screen time
We live in an era where tablets, laptops and smartphones are a norm in a child’s life from a very early age.
We let them watch as it keeps them quiet and occupied and we can get on with our tasks. As much as this allows children often to learn new things and makes them smart with technology from an early age, this can potentially be dangerous if not monitored.
When they are very young they probably just watch videos or play kids games. We have more control over what they watch.
But as they get older they need to use their laptops to do their homework etc. That’s when as a parent you need to be aware of a few issues that might arise from the use of such devices:
- safety online (trolling, pornography or violence to name a few)
- sleep time (children lose sleep over smartphones/games)
- physical activity (playing online games in favour of playing football etc)
- school work (prioritising online activities over school work)
To avoid this you need to understand how they spend time online. Is it just silly apps or educational ones? Are they doing their homework or just playing games? Talking to your children about it is essential.
I think this is one of the most challenging of the issues for 21st-century parents and one I am learning more and more about every day as I fear for my children’s safety online.
Here you can find a comprehensive guide on all of the issues relating to unbalanced screen time
8. Treating them as if they were adults
It is easy to forget that children are just children and will push the boundaries and do naughty things to test the limits. As parents, we have very high expectations of them and begin to treat them as if they were adults too. We expect them to think like adults and act like adults.
How to change this? Perhaps you just need to read the below.
I have once read this very touchy Poem by W. Livingstone Larnet called “Father Forgets”. It was widely publicised in America and translated into many languages as it has touched millions of parents. I have come across this poem in a book I have recently read: How to Win Friends and Influence People by D. Carnegie
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilt things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply,
“Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive‐and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs. Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me?
The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding‐this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy‐a little boy!”
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.
-W. Livingston Larned
9. Doing everything for them
If you find yourself doing everything for your child – cleaning, dressing them up, doing their homework, not getting them involved in the house chores, how do you expect them to ever learn?
This was one of the most common parental mistakes that women did back in the days in Poland especially towards their sons.
The daughters used to be burdened with house chores and boys used to help dads outside. This, in turn, meant the boys were growing up learning that women are there to clean, cook and serve for the man while they relax after the hard work. I know this is a bit rusty example as we live in a different era where woman work equally hard to man, hence they both look after the house and the children. But it shows a principle of what would happen if we end up doing everything for a child. They will learn that other’s should be doing things for them and they will struggle when they grow up to be able to live independently.
We have to teach them all the things they are to be thought to a child and expect them to learn it. No matter how well they do it, they will get better but they need to learn to do it themselves.
10. Spoiling them
Buying everything they want is a common parental mistake and it does nothing but damage to their personality.
I know parents using their credit cards over Christmas to buy not one present, not two but many expensive presents that they cannot even afford. I disagree with such an approach and cannot even understand it.
What’s the point of putting yourself in debt to buy your child the latest Play Station or iPad?
What is the child going to learn from it?
They will learn that they can get whatever they ask for and they will never value the hard work you have to put into earning the money.
They will also learn that it is OK to reach for a credit card and buy what they like before earning for it. This will increase the possibility of financial stress on them as they will have debts piling up and will be less likely to get Financially Independent.
This leads me to another common parental mistake:
11. Developing an unhealthy relationship with money
Would you like your child to be falling in debt and never be able to afford to buy a house? Or would you rather have your child to save up until they have money for a deposit for their first house?
Your children’s financial future depends greatly on your relationship with money. Are you a saver or a spender? Do you live frugal life or lavish yourself with everything you want?
Remember- Children learn by example.
That is not to say that if you are struggling financially, your child too will struggle. But how you value the money will influence how they’ll manage their finances when they grow up.
It is good to get them to start early to save money or at least to teach them how to spend them wisely.
One anecdote from my own life about my 5-year-old approach to money:
My mum gave him £5 to spend when going to the cinema with me and his sister. Near the till he saw a packet of sweets costing £3.99 and he was desperate to buy it. I had already had some treats for them as I always come prepared (the cinema food is a rip-off!). I have explained to him that this was 5x the price he would pay in the supermarket and I don’t think it’s wise to spend nearly all of his money on it. I had told him that I will allow him to put his money into the money box and instead I will get them joined popcorn (which is also overpriced). I wanted him to save the money instead of spending it on an item that cost 5x more than the supermarkets price. He agreed and happily put the £5 into the saving box at home.
This is called frugality and I am proud to be frugal and raise my kids to be wise with their money too.
Here is a great article from The Humble Penny called How to get your kids interested in money management.
13. Developing an unhealthy relationship with food
Similarly to the point above – you set the example on how your kids perceive food.
Do we need food just to fill up our tummies?
Does it matter what we eat?
What does certain food do to our bodies?
A healthy diet should not be a matter of choice. As a responsible parent you should provide your child with the most nutritious and most healthy diet you could afford. You don’t have to have lots of money to eat well.
All you need is a bit of determination, consistency and willingness to stick to what’s best. You don’t need to be a nutritionist to know that fast food is not healthy. You also know what treats are good and what are not.
I’m not saying that you should stop altogether eating out. But stay aware of what’s good and make better food choices. Talk to your children why you choose an apple over a biscuit or nuts over crisps.
It’s never too late to make food swaps and start introducing healthy meals to your children’s diet.
NHS has a perfect guide for us on Sugar swap and many other healthy choices
Just as one more point to add here. Eating too much is a bad habit to develop as well. Be careful with the portion sizes you serve to your child and make sure you’re not overfeeding them just because they always eat so well.
13. Allowing fuss
Imagine this scenario- You have cooked a lovely meal with plenty of veggies and all of you sit down together to eat. But your child refuses to eat the food as they don’t like the way it looks/ veggies/ salat/ whatever. What do you do?
- Cook them up something else to eat
- Politely inform them that this is the only food available and either they eat this or go hungry
Many people would go with option a) and this is where they go wrong.
What’s going to happen if you go with this choice is that you will teach them that it’s OK to fuss. And they will do it again, and again and again. You will end up cooking different meals for your kids each time.
But if you go with the option b) they will either learn that there is no choice and eat what they have on their plate, or will not eat it and that’s also OK.
Kids are very smart and can figure you out very quickly and the minute you break your rules and allow them a choice, you’re doomed.
If they skip this one meal once or twice it’s not a big deal as in the end, they will learn that there is no choice and they must just eat what’s given.
14. Not allowing them to make mistakes
We are talking about common parental mistakes and guess what- we all make them- probably every day. That includes the children. And it’s OK if they do! Let them make mistakes as this is the only way they can learn from it.
As parents our protective shield sometimes makes us stop them from even doing things in a first-place as we fear they will fail, make a mistake or won’t manage to do it well.
Let them experience things and don’t discourage them before a get-go as you fear they might fail!
15. Not trusting them enough
This follows from the previous point.
We might not trust them enough to believe they are capable to perform a certain task.
Kids are very smart and intuitive and if we let their imagination kick in, they can truly amaze us with what they can come up with.
And the older they get the more trust you should put in them.
They will be meeting friends and going out and you have to trust they won’t do anything stupid.
Trust yourself that you have built strong enough foundation with their upbringing, they will know when to back off from the trouble.
16. Projecting a negative body image
If you are unhappy with your body and express this in front of your kids, they are more likely to criticise their bodies.
Worse if you go and change things in your body (I am talking about any types of plastic surgeries or small adjustments) your kids will probably follow with not accepting their bodies the way they are.
We all have somebody image issues and given the chance would likely change it but the thing to remember is to try as much as possible to accept it the way it is. Nobody is perfect but everyone is beautiful just the way they are and accepting our flows is the best way forward. And this is the message you want your child to receive from you. Stay fit and keep active and this way you can be the best version of yourself and your child will learn from watching you.
Likewise, don’t comment on flows of your child. I know someone who’s mum was repeatedly commenting on the size of their nose! This person grew up ashamed of their nose. It was a perfectly fine nose, but they saw it as big and disproportionate to the rest of the face as their mum kept repeating it to them while they were young. Negative comments stick to us like glue forever and can seriously harm our self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you see flows in your child’s body, by highlighting it to them you can only make them aware of something they had not even thought of. Instead, highlight the beautiful things in them. Complement their hair or eyes or just tell them they are beautiful once every so often as everyone wants to be accepted just the way they are.
17. Not discussing the sexuality and sex-related issues
This is very uncomfortable to even think about discussing such issues with the child but it is a very important and commonly skipped conversation that parents avoid.
Why? They don’t know how to approach it, how much the child might already know and it just feels awkward.
I think this is very personal how the parent chooses to approach it but it’s crucial they do it before they find it all out by themselves or before it’s too late.
From a very early age, we must make the children aware of a PANTS rule from NSPCC. Listen up with your child to this song which explains the 5 basic underwear rules:
-Privates are Private
-Always remember your body belongs to you
-No means no
-Talk about secrets that upset you
-Speak up, someone can help
As they grow up you should approach the subject of puberty and with this, I believe a mum should talk to their daughters and dad should talk to their dad. Just by default, they might be a more credible source of information in the child’s eyes and they might feel more comfortable to discuss it with the same-sex parent.
If this is too awkward try just as a casual conversation to test how much they know and take it from there. Assess what feels comfortable and don’t force it. If not now, there might be another time you can approach it.
The kids do get some introduction to a reproduction and sex subject in school around the age of 10 but it’s not covered in great detail and if you feel like your child is ready, you should approach it yourself. Don’t be too detailed with it, try and test what they know and don’t push if it feels too difficult for them (or to you) to speak about it.
I would like to direct you to the HealthyChildren.org website which has this topic of Talking about Sex fully covered
18. Fighting in front of the children
I grew up in a family where the arguments were the norm. My parents argued often, my grandparents argued even more and my parents argued with their parents too. We lived in one house which didn’t make things easier plus alcohol was a common substance which often triggered the arguments. I’ve never thought about it as much when I was young as it was everyday life for me. However, I’ve realised when as I was growing older that this was a very negative and distressing experience for me.
I have recently found out about ACEs (adverse Childhood Experiences) and realised that I have been growing up with Household Challenges. I am not discrediting my parents here and I hope this won’t come across this way, but the fact is, my family was not fully well functioning.
I have, however, come out of it stronger and having to observe more than a child should see I have aimed never to replicate my parent’s mistakes.
I never argue with my husband in front of my kids. If we have a disagreement we resolve it when they are asleep or not around. Sometimes it’s hard to just let it go as in the heat of the moment we tend to forget the kids are watching but the one thing to try and remember is-it does have a traumatic effect on them. They might blame themselves for your arguments as they don’t understand why you argue. They might also become very argumentative or even aggressive in the future or develop behavioural issues when growing up.
So try as hard as you can to avoid any negative conversations, arguments or even foul language in front of your children and be the best example of a good parent you wish you have had (or you might indeed have had).
19. Projecting your ambitions onto your children
We want the best for our kids and are willing to sacrifice a lot for them. It’s what makes us loving, caring and responsible parents. We want them to successes in their life and become someone important. We want them to be a dentist or a layer or a businessman. We want them to never struggle in their life. We want… We want a lot for them. But what do they want? Do they want to be a dentist? Do they want to be a swimmer? We try steering them into a certain path as we believe this is the best option for them. We have ambitions and fail to notice what are their ambitions.
If your child is good at maths and enjoys science, it wouldn’t make sense to try to convince them to become a politician as you have always dreamed of becoming a Prime Minister. A rather silly example here, but I hope you get my point.
We need to truly listen to our children and match this with their abilities and realise what they are good at before helping them to take decisions on what path to take in life. Don’t just push them to go to Uni as this is what the society wants from you.
I have recently watched Tedx Talks where Pamela Rief (a famous fitness Instagram influencer) had talked about how she had built her business around her passion for fitness and she never had to work yet became a millionaire at a very early age.
She was able to do so as her parents allowed her not to go to University in peruse of some “real profession” despite her very good grades. They have allowed her to explore what she wanted and trusted her choices. They knew she was clever enough to try and work things out and if she didn’t quite find success this way, being so bright she could always study later in her life.
Allow your children to explore their option and support them in their decision even if it might seem a little farfetched or you don’t fully understand what it is they want to do.
20. Going back on your words
Children have a great memory and from the time they can talk and they understand you well you have to be very careful what you say around them. They will absorb everything you tell them like a sponge and fire it at you in the least expected moments.
So if you have promised them you will go with them to feed the ducks on the weekend, do not think they will forget. They won’t. And they will ask you every day since you have told them about it if today is the weekend so that you can go feed the ducks together.
If you break the promise and make an excuse breaking the promise what will happen? They will not only get very disappointed and probably cry a lot for it. They will lose trust in your words.
If you do it once it probably won’t make a huge impact but repeatedly done can truly put you in their eyes as a person they cannot trust. In the long term, this can teach them that it’s OK to just promise things to people and never deliver on your worlds. They will never be trustworthy.
Think before your promise if you can truly fulfil this so to avoid disappointments.
21. Criticising
It’s not just the children that the criticism harms them. It’s adults too.
To have a good relationship with anyone you must stop criticising.
As a human, we want to feel important and impress others so the minute we get criticised we lose self-confidence.
Some people say that constructive criticism (where the opinion is given positively) is OK to give. I don’t believe in this either.
Criticizing can break a person’s willingness to keep going and break their motivation. Forever! It is critical that had led many people to suicide. What the online trolling does? It’s a criticism at its most.
Children are resilient to criticism more than adults but if they are constantly criticised they will begin to shut down and never flourish as if they were praised.
So next time you are about to criticize a child or an adult, take a step back and try to understand them. Why they did what they did?
22. Not praising
My 5-year-old son thrives when praised. He gives his 110% after he hears positive feedback. Why? Positive feedback makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us the incentive to work even harder next time. Children are egocentrics and hence praising is very effective.
Adults like appreciation too and praise, but can distinguish between genuine praise and a flatter hence it gets harder to praise as we get older and more clued up.
When your child is doing his school project next time, praise them as much as possible and watch them blossom.
It as obviously a balancing act as well and you can harm by overpraising, so just see what works with your child as one might just need ore praising than the others.
23. Shaming in front of others
In the Father Forgets poem above we read about a situation where dad scolds his child in front of his peers. It is easy to forget that they are just children and sometimes the anger takes over and we end up in a terrible situation which later makes us feel very guilty.
If this letter had touched you like it did touch me and millions of other parents in the world and you find it helpful, print it off and put it on your fridge. I have!
24. Forgetting good manners
To raise polite and well-mannered children we need to show them how we do it. From an early age, we say things like
– Thank you,
– You’re Welcome,
– Excuse me,
– Please,
– I’m sorry
You are their role model.
Besides the words teach them things like:
- letting an adult or an elderly sit when on a crowded bus,
- letting an adult/ older person go first
- helping people in need
- being humble
All this will pay off in their adults’ life as kindness and politeness wins hearts and will get them much further than being rude or arrogant.
25. Expecting them to be perfect
This is probably one of the most common parental mistakes of perfectionist parents. You want your kids to get everything perfect and when they are not quite getting it you are not accepting it and push them for perfection.
They are children at the end of the day and will take time before they get things perfect so just bear this in mind when you realise you catch yourself being a bit harsh on them for not getting it right.
26. Being impulsive
This links with many of the above points and it takes one trigger, one mistake of our child to sparkle the anger and off we go screaming and shouting and possibly worse.
What do you teach your child about your anger emotions? That it’s ok to let them out and take on your loved ones.
Instead, you need to try and control your emotions. You would not shout at your boss would you, you manage to control this impulse. Why can you not apply the same principle in your child’s case?
It might be easier said than done so it will take a bit of practice but it will get better as long as you remember to control your emotions.
27. Making them do things that are not age-appropriate
I am talking about duties that the child would be too young to do.
Imagine there are 5 kids in the house and the eldest of the children who is only 7 is to look after the younger once when mummy goes up to the shop. The 7-year-old is not responsible enough or grown-up enough to do so. Beside mum should not leave the kids at home alone anyway. This might be a little fictitious example but this is just to demonstrate the point.
Before you ask your child to help you with any kind of housework or chores, please consider if it’s safe or age-appropriate for them to do.
29. Passing your fears onto them
This is mainly to do with your phobias.
I have so many phobias that it’s embarrassing to admit. I will only name a few common ones here.
I am petrified of spiders and I do not like any type of creepy crawlers. My husband, on the other hand, does not mind them and always tells me off whenever I panic seeing a spider at home. He knows that the kids are likely to learn to panic too. And he is right.
I also do not like rollercoaster’s, hence I always send my husband with the kids so they don’t think I fear them.
So whatever your phobia is just to remember that your child will most likely inherit it from you and as much as this might not be such a bad thing, it might limit what they will experience in their life due to their phobias.
29. Not showing affection
Some people are naturally more affectionate than others, but have you ever wonder that this might be a result of our upbringing?
If your parents or carers have never showed you affection, you will not be naturally comfortable to show affection to others. And this gets passed onto your kids.
This is a little harder to avoid as it’s just part of your personality. Just bear in mind that the more affection you show to your children, the more caring and loving and affectionate they will be in their relationships with other people.
30. Not saying “I love you” often enough
Do you like to hear from your children how much they love you? Do you like your partner telling you this? Imagine they never did say these three words. As much as you might think –these are just words, actions are more important- words are equally important when it comes to feelings.
Here is an interesting article about the psychology behind three little words.
Children value words more than actions.
They don’t realise you do so much from them purely because you love them unconditionally.
They need to hear it often.
Conclusion
Don’t beat yourself if you happen to find you can resonate with several mistakes in the above list. I have not just pulled them out of the books. I have made the vast majority of those common parental mistakes myself, or have seen them in real life.
If there are a few things you think you could change immediately, implement them.
Don’t aim for perfection but the best version of yourself as a parent, as a person, as a partner and in every aspect of your life.
Parenting is hard and you are doing an amazing job every day so give yourself a round of applause for all of the hard work you are putting into the upbringing of your child/ kids.
I would also like to hear from you what parental mistakes have you made in the past and how have you managed to avoid them or overcome them.
Thank you for reading.
